True and Useful™

Welcome to True and Useful

I started True and Useful in March, 2006, and created an archive of almost daily postings for over a year. For various reasons my posts became very infrequent after June, 2007.

In October, 2008, I revived True and Useful, transitioning the hosting from Eponym to TypePad. Even though the original blog is still up and running, the management of Eponym shut down their operations in mid-2007. Since I’m not sure how long my large archive of posts will continue to be available at the Eponym address, my plan is to gradually shift the archive over to this TypePad address. You can click here to visit the first incarnation of True and Useful.

I plan to continue providing an eclectic mix of resources and inspiration, sprinkled with my own perspectives. As always, I invite you to determine what is true and useful for you on your path of self discovery.

– A.G.R

Baby Steps

Choosing a path of self discovery requires courage.  When you look inward, you may not always be pleased with what you see.  Pausing from your usual activity level and slowing down your busy and distracted mind may increase your awareness of deeper thoughts and feelings, some of which could make you uncomfortable.

Yet many self help advisors, spiritual teachers, therapists and personal coaches emphasize that allowing thoughts and feelings that lurk below the surface to emerge and acknowledging them as authentic reflections of your life experience can be a valuable element of the self discovery process.

Since the natural human response is to avoid discomfort whenever possible, I have found that I need to be willing to increase my awareness at the risk of dealing with whatever comes to light.  This willingness doesn’t demand superhuman courage but rather a day to day sense of adventure that propels me forward one step at a time. 

Some days are steps forward, some days steps back, but the good news is that even the "step back" days are movement forward on the self discovery path.  There is always the opportunity to observe and learn something, and with that new little piece of knowledge to step forward again.

As Richard Dreyfuss said to Bill Murray in the 1991 film What About Bob?, “baby steps, baby steps.”  The humor of that film was mined from the elements of truth that emerged from the extreme situation of an overly dependent therapy client.  For me the elemental truth of the next “baby step” of self discovery often means being willing to take another honest look at what I’m thinking or feeling at any given moment.

- A.G.R

Nurture Your Soul

In these challenging economic times it’s important to remember that our soul and spirit need nourishment as well as our body.  It’s difficult not to focus on money or lack thereof, potential or actual job loss, and downsizing our lifestyles and expectations.  However, economic set-backs are not a punishment to be endured; they are the external circumstances of life that confront us.

Now more than ever we need to take time to comfort ourselves and those in need around us.   Clearing our minds of worrisome thoughts and offering words of hope and compassion to others are vital to meeting the current situation with clarity and courage.  It’s easy to get discouraged and lose faith, but the greatest control we exercise over our experience comes from within.

Meditation, prayer, reading inspirational passages, walking in nature, and gathering with friends and family are available to everyone at little or no cost.  Take the time to nurture your soul and spirit.  It will lighten the load of this modern journey.

~ A.G.R

Keep going and take care along the way

The consistent truth about the inner journey is that it’s continually challenging.  Just when you start to think you’re making progress in learning life’s lessons, some new wrinkle on an old theme sneaks up on you and gets in your face. 

For me it’s always been steps forward followed by steps back, and so on.  What keeps me going is that when I’m able to get some perspective, I notice that I’m making some progress on the path.  I seem either to be learning the same lessons on deeper and more meaningful levels or adding some new awareness to the mix to keep it interesting.

If you are on the path of inner exploration, there are a few things that can really help along the way.  One is a friend, mentor or teacher (or more than one if you’re lucky) to lend a sympathetic ear and provide support when you feel discouraged.  I also recommend that you surround yourself with wisdom in the form of books, CDs, websites and blogs from a broad range of teachers and guides.  When one source seems to lose its power, try to connect with another, and you will find yourself intuitively drawn to just what you need at any given moment.

Last but not least is to take care of yourself along the way.  Don’t forget that if you aren’t in tune with what you need to get you through your life, you will make the journey a lot harder.  While others can provide invaluable love and support along the way, no one else can really take care of you but you.

~ A.G.R

A Gratitude List

If there was ever a time to cultivate gratitude, it’s now. Focusing on what each of us has to be grateful for seems like a viable antidote to the daily news of lost jobs, lost houses, lost investments and lost dreams. If you are suffering from the current financial meltdown or worried that its effects may soon arrive on your doorstep, try creating a gratitude list and leaving it somewhere prominent as a daily reminder to keep life in perspective. My point is not to make light of the challenges many of us are facing, but rather to balance our trials and pains with a healthy dose of appreciation.

Suggestions for a Gratitude List:

• A positive significant relationship
• Children to remind you what really matters
• Close and loving family
• Good and loyal friends
• Good health
• A sense of humor
• Savings or a credit line to fall back on
• A job, job prospects or prospective clients
• Enough food to fill your belly
• Exercise to relieve stress and keep you fit
• Nature in all its beauty
• Entertainment, sports and/or games to escape the gloom and doom
• Moments of joy and delight to counter moments of anxiety
• Love in all its forms

I encourage you to take the time to create your list and keep it close to calm your mind and warm your heart, especially when events around you seem overwhelming and almost impossible to bear.

~ A.G.R

Today is my birthday

Today is my birthday. I don’t usually post on Saturday, but in honor of the occasion it seemed appropriate to tap out a few words.

What struck me this morning at 4:30 am when I couldn’t get back to sleep was the fact that our measurement of time seems so arbitrary. Obviously it’s tied to the spin of the earth and it’s rotation around the sun, but who decided that 60 seconds = 1 minute x 60 = 1 hour x 24 = 1 day x 365 = 1 year? Maybe in some extra terrestrial world a few thousand light years away I’d be 2185 gazorninblatz or 500 quantum nebulae. And when I think about how nonsensical those “calculations” sound, then 62 years old doesn’t have all that much meaning either.

What I know is that I’m here, whatever that means; I’ve been here for a while; I was much smaller when I was born; and now I have less hair on my head and more wrinkles, fewer options and more aches and pains, less innocence and more unanswered questions. And given the current state of the world, I’ll be working until I take my last breath, which could be tomorrow or many years (or gazorninblatz or quantum nebulae) from now.

Happy Birthday to me.

~ A.G.R

Change Your Mind

If you pay closer attention to your steady stream of thoughts, you may be surprised at how many of them are negative. Fear and its many manifestations, including worry, anger and judgment, can cause an unending flow of pessimistic and downbeat self-talk.

The first step in overcoming fearful and unhelpful patterns of thought and emotions is to begin to pay closer attention to them. Buddhists call this process mindfulness, or simply paying attention in each moment. Once you begin to increase your awareness of your emotional state of mind, you will have more opportunities to consciously change your habitual thoughts.

Each time you notice a negative thought, try changing it to its positive counterpart. For example, replace a thought like “I don’t know how to do this” with “I have an opportunity to learn something new,” or “people aren’t communicating with me” with “how can I initiate an opening for more conversation?”

Changing ingrained patterns of unproductive thinking takes time, patience and effort, but as you notice the rewards of replacing negative thoughts with a more positive point of view, you will be encouraged to continue with this mindful approach to increased hope and optimism.

~ A.G.R

Looking at Others as Mirrors

In the field of psychology projection is defined in general terms as “the attribution of one's own attitudes, feelings, or suppositions to others.” The basic theory behind projection is that humans tend to project or overlay their own attitudes, feelings or desires onto others as an unconscious defense against anxiety or guilt.

Whether or not you subscribe to the theory of projection, you might find it interesting to experiment with how this mechanism might be affecting the way you perceive other people.

Try choosing one characteristic of others that you find particularly painful or annoying. It might be a serious issue, such as dishonesty, or merely irritating, such as talking too much.

Now think about how you relate to that characteristic in terms of your own behavior or experience. Using the examples above, you could ask yourself, “How honest am I with others . . . or with a specific person I consider dishonest?” “Do I ever have a tendency to chatter on whether others are interested or not?”

While these examples may seem simplistic, the idea is to test the theory of projection using attitudes, feelings or beliefs that may be significantly impacting your relationships with others. Rather than focusing on what is wrong or missing in others, uncovering potential projections could increase your awareness of unwanted or “guilty” aspects of yourself. And increased awareness could create opportunities to accept and perhaps even change some of your unwelcome characteristics.

Seeing others as mirrors may be nothing more than a theory, but a valuable tool for self discovery may lie hidden within the metaphor.

~ A.G.R

What we say and think...

What we say and think have a dynamic impact on our attitude and experience. It may seem obvious to some, but it’s taken me many years to fully absorb how my thoughts and words powerfully influence my mood, feelings and day-to-day experience.

I used to get buried under clouds of habitual negative thinking and reinforce the bad weather with self-absorbed analysis and complaints. Now I’m more inclined to notice the cloudy thoughts and let them move through before they overtake my mind and conversation.

Meditation has been an important tool for increasing mindfulness, the “noticing” of thoughts and feelings in the present moment. Visualization has allowed me to imagine other ways of thinking and speaking until I was able to embrace the alternatives as real. And affirmations have reinforced new ideas, visions, and goals by planting the seeds of change in my subconscious through diligent repetition.

If you want to test the power of your thoughts and words, start by paying more attention to what you’re thinking and saying. Try listening in on your constant mind chatter and notice what you say to others. This mindful approach to your thoughts and words is a good first step in identifying their connection to your attitude and experience. When you’re ready to work on changing your thinking and conversation, meditation, visualization and affirmations can be effective tools for this process of change.

~ A.G.R

Visions of Sea Ranch

There are no posts from October 20th to October 24th because I was away on a sort of personal retreat and had no access to a computer.  We spent the week at our retreat of first choice - Sea Ranch on the Northern California coast. 

Fall is an especially great time to visit because the weather is often some of the best all year, as it was for us last week.  The other factor that makes the fall advantageous for quiet reflection among open vistas is that there are far fewer people than during the late spring and summer.

The Sea Ranch runs along ten miles of rugged coastline formed by the impact of two major tectonic plates on the San Andreas Fault.  You can walk the entire ten miles along a bluff trail that overlooks high rocky cliffs, low tide pools, short stretches of sandy beaches, and marine preserves where sea lions and their babies bask in the warmth on sunny days.

The Sea Ranch is noted for its distinctive architecture, which consists of simple, weathered-wood structures. The majority of the buildings are large, fully furnished rental houses. The architecture is uniquely California postmodern in a tradition commonly referred to as "Sea Ranch" style.  Rather than structures dominating the landscape, buildings are merged into the landscape with the intention of harmonious coexistence with nature. Local building codes include various design guidelines such as exteriors of unpainted wood, a lack of overhanging eaves, and baffles on exterior lighting.

Landscaping in The Sea Ranch is regulated by a design manual which prohibits perimeter fences and limits non-indigenous plants to screened courtyards. A herd of sheep is used to keep grass cut low to the ground to reduce the threat of fire during the summer months.

The expansive ocean with its spectactular sunsets, the rugged coastline, the incredible star-filled night sky (when it's clear), the natural landscape and the architecture combine to make Sea Ranch a place like no other that has drawn us back too many times to count over the last 25 years.  Each visit brings its own special feel and memories.  Last week's visit gave us time to reflect on the past, spend more time fully in the present, and discuss and write about our plans, hopes and dreams for the future.

I have a vision for True and Useful that is not yet fully formed but encompasses a dream to expand its reach and scope in order to provide support and inspiration that I hope will be helpful to others.  Life is a great adventure with many wonderful experiences mixed with numerous challenges.  I am so grateful to the many writers, teachers, visionaries and wise friends who have sustained me on my adventure, and I feel compelled to provide whatever sustenance I can to whoever finds it helpful.

I would hope that everyone has a place like Sea Ranch that provides space to step back from the day to day, permission to release the ill effects of life's challenges, and time to gain some perspective on what's really important to you.  The further benefit of such a place is that when daily living becomes overwhelming, you can revisit your special place in your mind and recall some of those perspective-giving moments.